Maternity Pictures

Here is a sneak peek at some of our favorite pictures we had done a few weeks back. We are so blessed to be having this baby and looking forward to meeting him/her.

While I feel like I've been pregnant for way too long and maybe complain too much about it, don't get me wrong, I certainly know how blessed we are to not have the struggles of some. But it still doesn't minimize how disconnected I am with this baby...I still fear the worst most days, but trying to enjoy the final weeks. The final weeks are hard, I'm not sleeping well, struggling to breath, and overall very uncomfortable. Jim and I are both looking forward to the next part and seeing our little family grow.

I can't thank all of you enough for the support and love over the past year....we'd be lost without most of you.

I can't begin to explain the emotions I've felt over the past 8 months, happy, sad, angry....you name it and I've felt it. I know people who have babies about the same age as Thomas and I will always wonder the what if moments and I will always wonder what he would be like at those same milestones. I often feel robbed of those moments and then blessed knowing I have this new baby coming. How does one begin to understand God's plan? I guess that's why we have to have faith that He is steering us in the right direction...I still wonder, did we try too soon? Were we really ready for this? I suppose if we weren't, God wouldn't have let it happen.

I'm not the most spiritual person, I don't go to church every week like I should and even sometimes want to....but I have to believe He is guiding me and that he is holding my Thomas near to Him each and every day, until we meet again.

35 1/2 Weeks

I've hit the 35 week mark, feeling huge and getting very uncomfortable. While I know most people love being pregnant I do not. We had a doctor appointment earlier in the week and all sounds good and is going as it should. We had some maternity pictures taken a few weeks back and waiting to see the final product to share them with you. But here is my 35 week picture and the few sneak peeks from the photographer from our session. 

4 1/2 weeks to go...but who's counting?

I also recently read a really great article about What the New Mom to a baby born after Baby Loss needs her Friends and Family to know....I'll highlight it here and share the link below. 

To be honest, I'm completely terrified about how I will feel after I have this baby...will the emotions of the last 10 months push me into depression or will I finally feel "okay" with how everything is "working out." Here are the points from the article that really hit home for me:

• I’m still grieving. You know what, you might think that everything should be better now that I have a living child in my arms, but can I tell you something that is hard to admit? Right now the grief seems even harder. It seemed to resurface and strike with a double punch in the gut this time. Now that the new baby is here I am reminded every day of what I missed with my child that died.
• I’m confused. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes I want to think that the baby in my arms is my baby that died. Now I’m not crazy, and I really don’t want that; it’s just confusing at times to hold one baby and miss another. Again it’s hard to explain; if you could please just listen without judgment when I talk about it, that would be great. Don’t worry, I know my dead child is never coming back and that this is a different baby, but it is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that without one there might not be another.
• At times I wish I had my other baby. It’s not that I don’t want this one. Believe me I have worked as hard as hell to get this baby here healthy and alive. It’s just that I wish my other one wouldn’t have died. What I really want is both. Does that make sense? Just nod your head quietly with empathic eyes, as in yes. I think that is what I need now.
• I’m still anxious and fearful. I’m still really scared. I am having a hard time shaking this anxiety that I carried around for nine months, and now I know that bad things do happen to good people for no reason, and I’m scared it might happen again. Some of this worry is normal, but if you notice that I start becoming obsessive in my worry thoughts or need to check on baby all the time to the point where I can’t sleep, please remind me that there are professionals out there that can help me determine if this is normal, or if I might be experiencing a postpardum mood or anxiety disorder.
• I still need support from other moms like me. I still need my bereaved mom friends. They get me in a way that no one else ever will. I don’t care if they have had subsequent children or pregnancies or not. I still need them because they get it. They understand. Please support me in still connecting with those who have been there. I hope they are there for life.
• I still miss my baby that died. I still miss everything that could have, should have, and would have been. Those thoughts don’t go away. They are still there. Also, I don’t want to forget her. I want to remember her, and sometimes remembering someone who is gone turns out to be in the form of missing. Missing my baby is okay with me.
• I still need you. Thanks for understanding.

Here's the link to full article if you'd like to read further or read more about Pregnancy After Loss...

http://www.pregnancyafterlosssupport.com/new-mom-baby-born-loss-needs-friends-loved-ones-know/

Thanks for visiting. Mom is definitely ready to meet this bundle that's rapidly growing!